Validate yourself and be happy!

You are the ruler of your destiny, you are in charge of your happiness and worth.

You are a beautiful king or queen, despite what others say.

This will continue to be my mantra. Many people mean well but if you wait for others to validate your existence, choices and worth you will never be happy and never be fulfilled.

Humans are not perfect and we find the imperfections in everyone. Do not depend on your parents, friends, strangers to tell you your worth.

Know your worth, reward yourself for your hard work, toot your horn and shake your pom pom. No one at all knows your internal struggle and internal accomplishments. Go out into the world being confident, forget about what a,b or c says.

Some late night ramblings…

Mx

Chill? I will not be chilling at your house!

This is not your traditional grad life post, but rather just an observation that was prompted by a whats app message.

They say today we live in a hook up culture, one where 2 or three whats app conversation or a good stare up in a bar leaves you doing the walk of shame Sunday morning. Mind you, if that is your thing then that is ok, hook ups become almost everyone’s thing one point in their life.

Anyway, my rant really is about this chill culture. I am going to describe a real situation below, one that has happened personally, one that actually happened today this faithful Sunday Mawning!

So I met this guy at a Caribbean type party, he asked for my number no harm done I gave it to him. He messaged me, mostly small talk conversation and not at all often. To be honest, he became the random guy on your whats app that says hello and checks in now and again.

Anyways today he says hello, asked me what I was up to, to which I disclosed I was going to a comedy club, he asked which one and I told him. Below is the conversation after that:

Guy: Oh cool! What you doing after that, wanna come chill at mine, I live close to that comedy club.

Me: I have work in the morning. So I would have to pass on that one.

Guy: So when are we gonna chill sometime!

Me: I dno, to be fair I’m not a go to someone’s house and chill type of person. But you can meet me for coffee at an opportune time.

Guy: lol, that’s long! but okay we’ll see!

Guy: 😀

Now let’s discuss my issues with this. Even though we have had about 5 short conversations does not mean I know you well enough to come and chill in the evening time at your house. You could be a cold blood criminal for all I know. My mama never grow me to be a fool. Further more back home we were taught not to love to go to people’s yards!

Next thing now if you want to get to know me that will be done in an outside atmospere away from your personal space. Then you want to say that going to a coffee shop is too long… well in my eyes legging it to a strangers house at 9 pm at night is a bit too long for me too.

Some of these young men are lazy beyond belief. Honestly that is why a lot of these relationships are so superficial.

That is why so many people leave 2 year relationships only knowing the four walls of their man’s yard, their favourite papa johns pizza and the fact that they like watching Family Guy on a Sunday and he only knows the cavity of the young lady’s walls.

Mind you nothing is wrong with chilling, not everyday you will be in the mood or have the time to be outside the house, but I would leave that to people who know each other for a while.

What are your thoughts, am I just old fashioned?

Mx

The first quarter: What is life?

The last time I wrote I had accepted a role and was off into the sunset employed and quite happy with myself. I did say I would review 3 months down the line. Here I am feeling quite unbalanced with a headache I can only associate with the devil himself.

The honey moon period of my job has worn off, I still like my co workers but I just do not feel as if my full potential has been reached. I know it’s just 3 months but I am not feeling that spark, that motivation, that enthusiasm.

I have come to realise during the past 3 months that many things in my uneventful life has called for me to feel like this. I am just going day to day, week to week, waiting on my pay check to give the government majority of what I earn and to keep a semi suitable roof over my head.

What a life for a 20 something year old.

The funny thing about it is this is not a strange narrative and many of my friends who do work feel the same way. This prompts me to ask the question what is life? What is life dear god?

There are many people/things to blame for this unfortunate occurrence, this burn out, this disillusionment with our young supposedly energetic and care free lives. Anyhow, this post will not be about blame game, but more about how I will try to remedy this feeling.

1. Make life about you, what you can do to be happy and what you can offer to make people happy.

I am starting this by leaving all things work related at the door after 5pm. Warning to all friends and family, do not ask me about work unless I decide to speak about it. Most likely it will just be work, uneventful lol.

Go out with work mates after work, but limit this activity because social life with work mates after work is an extension of work, believe me. Office politics and bitchiness will make its way all the way down to the bar…

Plan things to do in the week to look forward to, I give this advice all the time and rarely take it.

2. Try and be positive at work. Even if the task is mind numbing and some work colleagues are overly enthusiastic.

Fake it, fake the happiness, and stay AWAY from office politics. Office politics is more trouble than its worth, be neutral like Switzerland.

Take pride in your work, also a lesson I need to note. Just do your job the best you can and do not project your feelings on to your tasks.

3. Remember if you start from the bottom, the only other place is up.

I tend to worry a lot and my self confidence and self esteem is really getting a kick in the derriere. Continuing with self confidence, dress up and look like a big top dog when you enter your office. Looking good makes you feel good and this will continue in the day.

Also, self improvement is the way to go, learn a new skill. It could be simple like typing 60 words per minute. That’s a good skill to have professionally under your belt, though small can give a real boost to your confidence in the work place.

4. Make time for your friends. Probably not the make time for your friends to complain about your life, but make time so they can complain about theirs or not to complain at all. Just to talk about all sorts including the shallow celebrity drama that is floating around.

5. Eat well and keep a tidy space! One that I need to work on badly. I am so messy and so lazy. It affects my surroundings and my mood.

6. Remember, that with hard work and confidence things will work out. It will. Try to be positive about whatever situation you are in. Whether it be at work and you’re not feeling challenged, or at university you feel confused and feel like you aren’t doing well.

Clear your head and do your best. Your truth will be revealed.

I can attest to this because in my time of difficulty and challenges I can really put my situation in perspective and can put goals in my life. I feel partially renewed despite feeling like shit lol.

Mx

5 Lessons for recent grads in their 20’s

I know it has been weeks since I have posted, but fret not I have been trying to get myself into a working girl routine. Work has been going well, and my co workers are all a lovely, light hearted bunch. This has made getting up for work Monday more a pleasure than a pain. Although, I will tell if I feel the same in 3 months time hehe…

Being in my 20’s with no parents in close physical proximity and just making life in a new place has highlighted some really important things in life. It may be a different case for different people, but I am sure you will find a gem or two in the following paragraphs. Here goes:

1. ‘Good friends are better than pocket money’

Trust me when I say this, this quote is the absolute truth. This is not a popularity contest on who knows you or how many ‘friends’ you have. Be wise with who you have as your friends and you will never regret it. During my time at university I had a selected few who I hung out with and called friends. These people comprised of people I knew for years and those I recently met at uni. All of these people had one thing in common, they were real true people, who were supportive and we share genuine love and concern in our relationships. We all have very different lives, but we remain positive for each other even when we can’t be positive for ourselves. I am currently typing this blog in the college dorm room of a friend I met during uni, I am in her space till I can have enough money to pay deposit and rent for my own rental. Friends become family and directly reflect and help to mould you, choose wisely.

2. ‘Do not put your faith in man’

As much as this is somewhat a contradiction of number 1 it is also very much the truth. Life is full of contradictions this is one of them. The people we look up to and expect much from are the ones that often disappoint us. That boyfriend/girlfriend, parent or friend you expected to be emotionally supportive, will have you bitter for a very long time. Guess what cut them some slack and remember you are self sufficient. Although we need the support of people, we have to do without it sometimes. Also, just be thankful that they showed you their short comings. I have come to realise that many people will never even try to understand another persons situation. Some people only like to be there when it is bright. Let it be, not everyone is emotionally capable. When this happened to me I made it a habit not to run to such individuals with issues even when they asked out of habit. In that you realise your strength of not needing people every waking minute.

3. ‘Enjoy now’

As a person who is a chronic worrier and sometimes border line perfectionist I command you live a little!  If you are unemployed, unhappy or stressed just please remember your health and happiness comes first. Try to find out what you love, Skype call a friend, flirt with that handsome stranger at the bus stop. Just try to brighten up one minute of your day. A couple of months ago I was in such a dark place, just so unhappy all the time but I made the time to speak to my friends who made me smile or I watched my favourite movies. I made plans to tour London (even though I ended up moving before I could do that). Try and meet new people, there are free meet ups in the UK yoga classes, foodie groups, Harry Potter fanatics you name it 🙂

Now that I am working and in a routine I have to remind myself to enjoy myself. Go to drinks after work with your co workers. Go to that reggae party that happens once per month, even though it is a Sunday. (Yeah that happened, that Monday was hard). Sometimes you have to cut yourself some slack, plan for the future but don’t live for the future.

4. ‘One step at a time’

This has been my mantra since university. Law degrees are hard as many others and often comes with alarming amounts of reading, planning and writing. One step at a time I used to remind myself. This was to stop me from getting overwhelmingly anxious which happened quite often.

Please remember things take time, your future takes time. Worrying about everything including whether you can get a mortgage will not help you at this point. Just do what you need to, one step at a time. Things I have learnt have a way of working out once you put in the work 🙂

5. ‘re-evaluate and live simply’

This is something of a working progress for me. I am very self reflective of late especially because I spend quite a bit of time alone. Upon reflecting I realise that modern living is a cause for stress, depression and all thing bad. We as young people thrive on fast pace living more than our parents. While packing up after uni I realised that I have so many unnecessary things, I am spending and want to be apart of so much crap. Is it all necessary…the answer some of it isn’t. With that said we should try in our 20’s to use what we absolutely need. Do we need to get that upgrade and pay £30+ per month for a flashy phone. Do I need to have this top, when I have something similar at home. Do I need to have this ready made (insert item) when I usually make it myself and I had no problem doing it. I am going to try as best as possible to be as minimalist as I can. This will help me to enjoy my pay check. I will be able to spend on what is really important. For me that is experiences like travel and quality social time and self improvement. This will hopefully become habit so when I do eventually have a nice fat pay check I will know how to budget and not just spend because it is there. As they say live within your means 🙂

6. Giving you guys a bonus. This is the most important of them all, try and be adaptable because the only constant is change…

Peace and Love M x

The Grad life: Job Roller coaster

I know I have not written a post in a while, but believe me when I say I was not in the frame of mind to even look at my computer. Not even the frame of mind to speak to my favourite people, just simply not in the frame of mind.

For the past couple of weeks I have been to and fro with interviews, searching for jobs every waking second and quite frankly sick of rejection. This rejection was no normal rejection that you can learn from, I got rejection in the form of, ” Your interview was excellent, but oh you seem over qualified, you might get bored”. This you can imagine led to a frustration that I could not explain, one that led me to cry almost everyday because I had no idea how to release my frustration.

This frustration I can tell you was so great I was literally sabotaging myself. I never had the energy to send applications and I just never felt to push anymore. I felt utterly useless, failure to society…like a bum. Mind you, I expected that the job search would be hard; I have read all the horror stories. However, no matter how you prepare your self it is utterly soul destroying, especially if you are like me who thrives off of her to do list.  Anyhow, I started to try and think of alternatives and looking on the big picture. It could be worse and there is always volunteering, so I won’t turn into a vegetable. Positive thoughts only lasted for half a day and as my serotin levels decreased by night… I cried myself to sleep.

Back to my self sabotaging…

I had an upcoming assessment day, one that I knew about for ages. However, I was so low on energy I just could not quite push myself as I did the other interviews. I was afraid to get my hopes up, afraid to have another breakdown. But I had to at least try, what harm would it cause? I travelled on train for near 3 hours to this interview, feeling quite indifferent; feeling tired. I left the assessment day having no thoughts, I was so unsure and so afraid to be hopeful. Fortunately, it was my big break…I got the Job! yeah anti climatic I know… Even so I shed a tear of joy. All in my head was, yes financial independence, No job centre, overdraft paid off, savings! Then back to reality, work starts Monday and I have to pack (least favourite thing to do), I’m moving once again, that’s like the 5th time.

M x

The Grad life: The Silver lining

The last time I made an entry I was complaining of my expanding buttocks and the fact the grad life sucks. Do not be misled, it still sucks right now, but there is something quite exhilarating about it. I speak for myself when I say this, I’m sure there are others who would not describe this time as such. 

Anyway, why is it exhilarating? Well yet again the universe has afforded me the opportunity to shed my skin like Ol’ Hige and eat kids at night…Ok I’m joking. What it has really afforded me though, is to reinvent myself, to really re evaluate what I want. Hint: I still do not know and I do not think i will know, because I want to be everything! 

This silver lining peeked when I realise that I actually left my social life back in Manchester. I have very few friends in London. Which mind you I have not got to hang out with just yet. But in the dismay of me not having a social life I started to search for free yoga classes. Which I found!! I also found loads of other groups that I can meet up with. I am very excited about this, about the people I will meet or not meet. I am just glad I will have structure to my life. I’m so excited for my first yoga class this Friday 😀

For all my Caribbean people back home, yes you have to actively seek out friends in the UK. I am not used to these things…mi nuh beg friend hehe. Well London is a lonely place, no man is an Island and I want a reason to be out of the yard. 

Mx

The Grad 15

I’m sure most of you have heard about freshman 15. Fortunately I did not get it, but in life if it doesn’t bite you one way, there is always another way. 

My name is M and I think I may have the Grad 15. Since my final exams until now I have not been able to have a proper schedule. I have been eating constantly. Actually that is the only activity I am sure of, eating. 

I eat when I am sad, I have to eat when I am watching t.v. I eat out of boredom. Fortunately for me I was deceived for months by a faulty full length mirror. I thought I had that mega metabolism, the one where women the world over are fighting for. Every morning I get up the mirror says, “ohh M aren’t you svelte and sexy…go you!” That lie was shattered when I tried to get my fav hm jeans past my thighs. Complete fail!  

Now that I have had a well needed reality check I will get on the ball of fitness. Especially because I am going to London to stay with my nan. Now I am sure everyone knows the co relation between grandmothers and food. I rest my case… 

 
M x 

 

Pedestal Parents

One of those topics on a more somber note. One of those things that have shattered my adult world. One of those hard hitting realities. 

As a millennial… generation whichever letter it is I was greeted by the harsh reality that I have and many others have put our parents on pedestals. Yes roll your eyes, scoff and say that I’m just another unruly, disrespectful twenty something. It is the God honest truth. I speak with experience from my own parental situation and observation of many others. 

Cultures and traditions combined have put the parent as the all knowing, the one who knows best, wants the best never acts selfishly etc. I come here with a rude awakening, they are human. Human as any human can get and they will definitely act selfishly if given the chance. What surprises me is that people think that having children you automatically get or have a parenting gene. It is a common situation where you have an unplanned pregnancy, what comes out of the situation is survival instinct. There is no how-to- be- a- perfect- parent manual. That is why I do not understand how people think it is a great sin when you do take an adult off of that pedestal. Sorry to break to you, but not every mother and father are good parents or always have the best interest at heart. I am no more surprised if a parent back stabs their child than if a typical stranger did. Given the right situation the human comes out. 

I will quote the ever so famous bible verse that gets thrown around, ‘Children obey your parents…blah blah’ lest you forget there is also a part that say parents do not provoke your children… I will let that settle. Many take the Bible as authority especially from my culture. Surely it is possible that parents can and will make mistakes…so why the pedestal. 

I know I’m ranting, but what I am trying to get at is, that maybe parents and adults; whoever in authority should learn to be human, act human, accept wrong; know you are not perfect. Try and right your wrongs, with that, you are definitely deserving of the pedestal. You will surely get my respect and admiration then. 

M x 

 

DIARY OF THE GRAD LIFE PT1

Change is good, but being settled is even greater- me

Being a graduate I did not expect fireworks, quite frankly I never had high hopes about the grad life. The articles that are written about us aren’t promising and don’t inspire much hope. One thing I can say is that I am quite relieved. Relieved that at least another important hurdle has been crossed and I do not have to write another dreary essay in a long time! 

Anyhow, on to the meat of the matter. I decided that I wanted to stay in my University city, Manchester to look for work. So far it has not been fruitful and quite frustrating. I have all the right reasons why I would like to stay in Manchester, but here I am taking a break from packing… I am moving to London ‘permanently’.

Change is good they say, that is what I am repeating in my head to convince myself. Right now I am going to explain my very raw emotions. Hopefully, simplify a story that many a graduate is telling right now.

1. I have never felt so uncertain in my life. The fact I go to bed and get up not knowing whether I will be thrown into a work routine or will be a lazy bum for a next couple of week is exhausting. The fact that I can make no plans what so ever, the fact that I have no idea where the next red cent is coming from. I am currently working with a very small wardrobe, mostly consisting of business attire. Where are my 3 years worth of things…they are in storage all over the flipping UK. With that rant over, I move on to my second point

2. Did I mention my things are spread between Manchester and London. With that being said packing has got to be the worse thing ever, it is right up there with…well nothing I can think of is worse than packing. I hope you understand I have moved from 3 different addresses in the space of 3 months. 

3. The nostalgia is quite sickening. I lived in Manchester for 3 years and only left the city for Summer. I can say that this place has become my Home. Packing 3 years worth of experiences both good and bad is very painful. It is even more painful when like me, most of your friends are internationals… I guess there is Skype. 

To sum it all up I feel like a big empty box, no job, tired of writing applications, no friends to knock up, no plans, no known aspirations and goals. You know when you set your electronics back to factory settings…that is how I feel.

M x